Anyone who suffers from anxiety should read this. My anxiety is like a friends with benefits. We have no love for each other but she still like fucks with me sometimes. I’ll be like I’m going over to talk to that person and my anxiety is like…..”bitch please”.
I think the reason my relationships/friendships don’t always work out is because no one knows they are entering a threesome. I understand dealing with us is difficult. She doesn’t take being yelled at well. She doesn’t take conflict well. Everything you say will be repeated over and over and If I am silent for a while it’s because I have to fight with her before I can fight with you.
There are 3 sides to a story , your side , their side and the truth. Everyone has an opinion or an agenda and it feels like the truth is just molded or ignored to suit that. Something that really annoys me with human nature is the idea that people think we should like or dislike someone else because of another persons opinion.
Since when did other people decide they should have an opinion on the way someone else lives their life? you make your life , not them. If you want to handle it in a way they don’t agree with well, that’s okay. If you want to forgive something that they would never forgive, that’s okay. If you want to do something that they would never do, THAT IS OKAY. It is your life not their’s, for a reason.
You are here on this world for a reasons, to experience as many different things as possible and enjoy life to the full,to create, contribute, share, and leave a positive legacy behind. We here on this planet is to improve, evolve, grow and to become the best version of yourself. So the question is now is what can you do to make sure you become the best version of yourself?
Well I guess it’s human nature right? Whether we are curious about another person or we see something in them that’s we think is weird, we judge. We’ve decided what is normal and what is not . We’ve decided what is acceptable and what is not. The type of experiences we’ve had are going to effect how we treat other people. So as much as we judge others and often falsely. We base it on OUR opinions and values. So it’s the judgement that’s at real fault.
Ever just lay there at night thinking 💭. Thinking about ridiculous made up stories in your head?
Well about 6 months ago I set my self a challenge to think of 5 impossible things before bed. Ridiculous things. For example “pigs can fly”. Suddenly instead of thinking about what you said 3 years ago to your friend that you wish you never said you are thinking about flying pigs. Quite funny when you think about it.
I’ve always been rather private when it comes to my mental health. I guess no one can ever relate to a brain as complicated as mine because I don’t understand it either.
“Why won’t you eat ?”, “ is there anything I can do?” , “why are you so difficult?” Are a few examples of the types of questions people ask. Is it bad to not know the answer? . How can I let others help me if I don’t know how to help myself?.
Anxiety has been part of my life for a very long time. When I was just 11 I developed body dysmorphic disorder. For those that don’t know what this is. Body dysmorphophobia is a mental disorder characterised by the obsessive idea that some aspect of ones body part or appearance is severely flawed and therefore warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix ones dysmorphic part in ones figure.
Growing up I was always a happy child. Loved sports and socialising with my friends. Social media became a big thing within my friendship group. We’d post pictures of our outings and all of our fun times together. Our other school friends would comment and say how beautiful my friends were . I developed a complex and starting comparing my self to them. I really thought the way to be beautiful was to diet. I became obsessed with the idea I was fat. My obsession took control of me. Dieting tuned in to skipping meals. Feeling guilty if I ate anything at all. My mind would constantly talk to me. Thinking of all the possible ways I could drop just that extra pound. Sometimes the guilt would get to me so badly I’d make myself vomit and take endless amounts of laxatives .My weight plummeted, at around 12 years old. I was around 4 stone. My mum didn’t know what to do with me . She didn’t understand why I felt this way about myself . And to be honest neither did I. Nothing anyone could say would make my change my perspective.
At 17 my parents got divorced. My dad lost the plot and quickly replaced my mum with a much younger woman. Completely crushed me. I decided to move to Devon. 365 miles away away from home , a fresh life in the south. I started my career working as a beauty therapist. I was so happy and proud. Started to take pride in my appearance and work on my confidence. Working I’m a spa was probably the hardest yet amazing experience I’ve ever had. Life was great. I started to forget about my bad thoughts and concentrate on making others feel great about themselves. Unfortunately over time the stress of working ridiculous hours being in a dark room ,being isolated from the world everyday and my boyfriend cheating on me caused me to relapse over a period of time. My depression was worse than ever.I just wanted to succeed. Be loved and to feel beautiful. I ignored my thoughts for a long time which resulted in bizarre behaviour I’d cry and make irrational accusations about people, avoid social situations that was food related . I thought everyone was against me.
I decided enough was enough and searched for help from my GP. I had to persist until they finally took me seriously. Its sad that In this day In age you have to be at breaking point before anyone takes action . In 2017 i started to see a therapist who really helped me to think differently. At first I thought it was stupid and I felt embarrassed. Over a corse of a year this woman changed my life. She made me think differently. She encouraged me to let everything out. Sometimes you have to find what’s making you unhappy and change it before it swallows you whole. Surrounding myself with possitive minded people and being active is best advice I can give to anyone who Is going through a bad time in their life. It is okay not to be okay and silence can kill. So don’t bottle it up and hide away. Life can be different. I’m not saying I’m cured at all but understanding the routes and excepting you have a problem Is the biggest and most scary step for anyone . Time to start caring for you, teach yourself to love yourself.
I’m still learning
Anxiety UK :03444775774 Mind: 03001233393 Beat:08088010677